It's Your Fault

According to Stoic ideology, there are things we can change and things we cannot change.

You may be walking through the street and be hit by a runaway car: though you couldn't have predicted a runaway car would appear at that very moment, you could have assumed that a street was a place with inherent danger and thus, looking both ways was an intelligent way to behave.

I say "Fault" not because you should feel ashamed for failing to look both ways, but because it offers you an option to grow.

As humans, we are biologically wired to evaluate trauma and past events in terms of how they can be avoided. To do this accurately, we must identify what choices of our own (since we can't control the drivers on the street) we can alter to avoid a catastrophe like this one.

Some people would consider this attitude "victim blaming," which is a natural result of a culture increasingly avoiding the very idea of "fault." But I want you to be smarter than that.

Think of a situation you agonize over. Even if it's small.

It was your fault that it happened that way.
And because it was your fault, you can make it so you'll never be hurt in the same way again.

Shit happens. That's life. What's in our power is how we react to it, and how we alter our behavior in the future. You cannot change that you fell and broke your leg, and you cannot simply reject gravity. So you must stop climbing tall trees. You must bring a harness. You must have someone to spot you. You must put a mattress beneath you. You must be more careful.

That is, of course, all assuming you don't want to fall in the same way again. Rest assured the consequences will be the same, and it'll be doubly your fault. If you didn't learn from your mistake, then you'll have endured the pain that first time around for nothing. The next lesson will be a more painful one.

You can choose to go through your life without intention, or you can choose to alter your behavior (or surroundings, or choices, or equipment) in a way that makes you less likely to encounter a negative result again.

In a nutshell, this ideology is all about minimizing your risk of negative outcomes and maximizing your chance of positive ones. If you do well--congratulations! If you want to continue to do well, then your burden is to enhance your circumstances in such a way that a positive outcome is more likely.
If you do poorly--that's too bad. And if you don't want to fail, then you must change. Because the world won't change on your ticket.

In the end, it's your fault because you are the only person you can make bear that fault. Responsibility is a double-edged sword: you must face the consequences of your own actions if you want to take agency in your own life.

And if you choose not to choose at all... well, I have news for you.

That's your fault too.